Dev || Mevibeswriter

 Shaayad, main ab nahi jaanta, Na samajhta hoon, na maanta hoon... Phir bhi jaane kyun, Tere aane ka intezaar karta hoon... Main anjaan hoon — Tere alfaazon se, tere khayalon se, Tere haal se, teri duniya se... Bas dekhna chahta hoon tujhe, Jee bhar ke — ek dafa, Bina kuch kahe, bas mehsoos karna chahta hoon. Tu kaisi hai, ye bhi nahi jaanta, Par har din yehi sochta hoon... Tu kyun nahi aa jaati ab? Laut aa na... Mera vishwas bhi ab dheere-dheere tutne laga hai... Main nahi jaanta kyun... Bas itna jaanta hoon — Shaayad, main sirf anjaan hoon...

 After a long time i writing again...... Actually i don't remember last time when i wrote. Last some days are feels unusal like again thinking about her. Talking with my brother about her she was my friend only but my brother's girlfriend and like i just lost my choice... she was not good for us.... So i gess it was last August when i was writing and today its October 23rd when i am writing... I just spent more tine with family... Last durga puja was happiest moment at taht time.. We just used many types of jhulas in fair... i enjoyed each and every moment.... I was not sure about anything still i just spended my time with family... and i don't have any friends actually so till now I'm finding friends offline.. but i found some interesting buddies online we never met but still we all talk together and trust each other.... Recently i rented aroom for my studies with my brothers... Actually still I'm in my own district and just I'm trying to study and get focused ...

My day started early, at 4 AM on the 12th of August . My brother and I went for a walk to the nearby Durga Maa temple . We sat there for a while, talking about our next plans in life—what to do and where to go. Then, as always, we came back home and fell asleep again. Later, I woke up. Nothing special happened—I edited some clips, had breakfast and lunch, and studied a little. But in the evening, I heard loud voices coming from upstairs. When I went up, I saw my mom scolding my sister. Instead of staying quiet, my sister argued back. I tried to stop them, but she turned her arguments toward me, so I went silent and left. About seven minutes later, I heard that the situation had calmed down. Not long after that, I got a call from my elder sister saying she would be visiting in two days. Everyone got excited. We talked for a bit, and then I went up to the rooftop to enjoy the sky—but my mind just wouldn’t settle. The next day began in a similar way, except we had to wash all the clothes ...

  Dear Diary, Today was strange—a mix of interesting moments, little risks, boring stretches, and a kind of stress that lingered quietly in the background. It wasn’t the kind of stress that makes you panic, but more like a low, constant hum in the mind that doesn’t let you rest completely. The morning started unusually early— 4 AM . My brother and I decided to go for a walk to the nearest temple. The streets were silent, the air still cool from the night. I’ve always liked mornings like this; they feel like the world hasn’t woken up yet. We spent around half an hour there, talking about everything—how life is going, how she betrayed us, and how we can stop ourselves from falling too deep into sadness or depression. My brother spoke slowly, almost as if he were choosing his words carefully. I listened, sometimes nodding, sometimes staring into the temple lights. In the background, my Spotify playlist played softly, as if it were the soundtrack to that quiet moment. We came home ...

Dear Diary, A portion of being worse these days… It’s been many days since I last wrote—not because I forgot, but because life has been throwing challenges at me one after another. I don’t know how this will end. Only God knows, and maybe that’s enough for now. Lately, I’ve been keeping a physical diary, but I feel I didn’t write it well. It was supposed to capture my journey—my life—but even I’ve started questioning whether things were worse than I originally thought. The truth is, I’ve been surrounded by problems: family issues, academic pressure, friendships falling apart, and even physical struggles. I didn’t know who to share all this with, so, as always, I turned to writing. One of my best friends—the one I truly believed was different, better than most people these days—proved me wrong. Deep down, I had always feared that this day might come, and it finally did. She left. She ignored us, our feelings, and our emotions. And even now, I don’t understand why. She left my brother—th...

 Ek yaadon se bhari raat hogi... 🌙🥀 Tera haath mere haath me hoga... ✨ Wahi purani milne ki jagah hogi, Wahi purani yaadein hongi… 💭💔 Par is baar na tu kuch kehna, Na mai kuch kahunga… Aaj baatein sirf hamari aankhein karne dena… 👀✨ Lana saath ek kagaz aur ek kalam, Main bhi launga ek kagaz aur kalam… 📝💙 Beshak baatein hamari aankhein karengi, Par jo gile-shikwe hain, unko likhna tum uss kagaz pe… 💭💔 Main bhi likhunga, magar is baar jhagde nahi honge, Ek naav banayenge usi kagaz ki… 🚣‍♂️💙 Aur uss naav ko behne denge uss nadhi me, Jitna wo aage badhegi, utne hi dukh mit jayenge… 💨🚢 Ek nayi shuruaat karenge… Bina shikwa, bina gila kee… 💙✨

Main kya kar raha hoon, kyun kar raha hoon, kya soch raha hoon, kya plan hai, kya chahta hoon— mere mann mein kya chal raha hai, mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha. Raat ko der tak jagta hoon. Na padh raha hoon, na kahin baahar ja raha hoon. Main kisse kya bol raha hoon, ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha. Main itna kyun soch raha hoon? Aakhir main chahta kya hoon— ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha. Zyada kisi se baat nahi kar paata. Aisa nahi hai ki baat karna nahi chahta, par log milte hi nahi. Waise bhi, kisko kya bataun? Khud ko hi samajh nahi aa raha. Koi pooch leta hai, “Kaise ho?” “Kaisi chal rahi hai padhai?” aur main jhooth bol deta hoon. Par main jhooth bol hi kyun raha hoon? Main sach keh kyun nahi deta? Na jaane ye sab isi waqt kyun hona tha… Mera mann kahin aur hai, dhyaan kahin aur. Main chahta kuch aur hoon, aur ho kuch aur raha hai. Ab to ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha ki jo kar raha hoon, wo sahi bhi hai ya nahi. Raat ko der tak jaagna, un kaale aasmaanon mein si...

I thought everything was fine 🙂, but it turned out to be just a fleeting dream. Yesterday, I realized this wasn’t the end—it was only the beginning of another side of the problem. And trust me, it feels terrible… I can’t explain much, but I’m hoping for the best. Maybe by the end of this week, things will settle again. Thanks to my siblings, who are still handling everything carefully. The situation is so bad that I can’t even focus on my studies at home. My elder sister, who is preparing for UPSC and BPSC,  has taken charge of things. Meanwhile, I—the one who knows everything and is directly involved—was the first in the family to figure it out and explain it carefully to her. I feel completely drained. There’s no energy left for studies—just exhausting days, one after another. I tried my best, but nothing seems to be working, and now my studies are suffering. 😭😭 For the past week, my mental health has been terrible. I had a fever of 102°F , but I didn’t tell my parents the rea...

Dil ki baat Anjaan ke saath—main aapka swagat hai… Sabse pehle, Thank you to everyone . Honestly, I’m feeling lost and exhausted as exam days are getting closer. I’m becoming more nervous and anxious, and it feels like time is running out. I’m unable to do anything properly. Main roz plans banata hoon, aur roz unhe khud hi kharab kar deta hoon. Ek baat jo maine seekhi hai, wo ye hai ki koi bhi plan perfect nahi hota . Rigid or ideal plans banane se behtar hai ki problems likhi jaayein aur unke realistic solutions pe kaam kiya jaaye. Flexibility aur problem-solving zyada important hoti hai, na ki flawless planning. Mujhe samajh hi nahi aa raha ki is sab ke baare mein baat kisse karoon. Pichhle kuch din mere liye kaafi tough rahe hain, aur jo kuch mere family ke andar hua, use dekh kar abhi tak yakeen nahi hota. Achhi baat ye rahi ki family tensions—jinhe mere parents aur elders tak ko pata nahi tha—kuch siblings ki madad se kaafi had tak solve ho gaye. Par meri main problem padhai hai...

  January 31st – The End of a Chapter I woke up at 7:25 A.M. on January 31st , feeling neutral. It was the last day of the month, and I had mixed emotions—thinking about what I had accomplished, what I had missed, and what I needed to do next. After freshening up, my day started with a cup of tea that I made for myself and my family members. I went to study in the sunlight, where my siblings were already studying because the next day ( February 1st ) was their board exam. I was studying Physics to complete my syllabus. My sister was revising Biology , and my brother was analyzing question patterns and sending some important questions to his friends. I was studying too, but I kept observing them. I knew that their analyzed questions might not help much, but I still encouraged them, saying, “This is good, but revise other chapters as well.” By midday—almost 1:00 P.M. —my sister took my phone, and I went to eat something. That was my free time. After about 1.5 hours , around 2:4...