Dev || Mevibeswriter

After a long time, I am writing again. I think I should write about some of my memories. I should begin with the Durga Puja fair , where I truly relished the occasion and felt like I wasn’t going through anything serious at that time. 😂😂😂 Actually, that’s not entirely correct. A better way to put it would be that I was taking a break from friendships . And yes, that phase was a real headache. Still, I somehow always manage to save myself, which is quite predictable. I’m usually right when I predict things. So, I was at ease—enjoying the jhulas and  the stalls selling toys, ice cream, and fast food at the fair. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I think that’s enough about the Durga Puja fair for now, but there’s more I want to write. After the fair, we decided to rent a room for our studies , to manage ourselves better, and to improve our skills. We actually did rent a room, and I’d like to describe a few incidents from that time. The owner of a closed hostel offered rooms for rent, a...

My day started early, at 4 AM on the 12th of August . My brother and I went for a walk to the nearby Durga Maa temple . We sat there for a while, talking about our next plans in life—what to do and where to go. Then, as always, we came back home and fell asleep again. Later, I woke up. Nothing special happened—I edited some clips, had breakfast and lunch, and studied a little. But in the evening, I heard loud voices coming from upstairs. When I went up, I saw my mom scolding my sister. Instead of staying quiet, my sister argued back. I tried to stop them, but she turned her arguments toward me, so I went silent and left. About seven minutes later, I heard that the situation had calmed down. Not long after that, I got a call from my elder sister saying she would be visiting in two days. Everyone got excited. We talked for a bit, and then I went up to the rooftop to enjoy the sky—but my mind just wouldn’t settle. The next day began in a similar way, except we had to wash all the clothes ...

  Dear Diary, Today was strange—a mix of interesting moments, little risks, boring stretches, and a kind of stress that lingered quietly in the background. It wasn’t the kind of stress that makes you panic, but more like a low, constant hum in the mind that doesn’t let you rest completely. The morning started unusually early— 4 AM . My brother and I decided to go for a walk to the nearest temple. The streets were silent, the air still cool from the night. I’ve always liked mornings like this; they feel like the world hasn’t woken up yet. We spent around half an hour there, talking about everything—how life is going, how she betrayed us, and how we can stop ourselves from falling too deep into sadness or depression. My brother spoke slowly, almost as if he were choosing his words carefully. I listened, sometimes nodding, sometimes staring into the temple lights. In the background, my Spotify playlist played softly, as if it were the soundtrack to that quiet moment. We came home ...

Dear Diary, A portion of being worse these days… It’s been many days since I last wrote—not because I forgot, but because life has been throwing challenges at me one after another. I don’t know how this will end. Only God knows, and maybe that’s enough for now. Lately, I’ve been keeping a physical diary, but I feel I didn’t write it well. It was supposed to capture my journey—my life—but even I’ve started questioning whether things were worse than I originally thought. The truth is, I’ve been surrounded by problems: family issues, academic pressure, friendships falling apart, and even physical struggles. I didn’t know who to share all this with, so, as always, I turned to writing. One of my best friends—the one I truly believed was different, better than most people these days—proved me wrong. Deep down, I had always feared that this day might come, and it finally did. She left. She ignored us, our feelings, and our emotions. And even now, I don’t understand why. She left my brother—th...

 Ek yaadon se bhari raat hogi... 🌙🥀 Tera haath mere haath me hoga... ✨ Wahi purani milne ki jagah hogi, Wahi purani yaadein hongi… 💭💔 Par is baar na tu kuch kehna, Na mai kuch kahunga… Aaj baatein sirf hamari aankhein karne dena… 👀✨ Lana saath ek kagaz aur ek kalam, Main bhi launga ek kagaz aur kalam… 📝💙 Beshak baatein hamari aankhein karengi, Par jo gile-shikwe hain, unko likhna tum uss kagaz pe… 💭💔 Main bhi likhunga, magar is baar jhagde nahi honge, Ek naav banayenge usi kagaz ki… 🚣‍♂️💙 Aur uss naav ko behne denge uss nadhi me, Jitna wo aage badhegi, utne hi dukh mit jayenge… 💨🚢 Ek nayi shuruaat karenge… Bina shikwa, bina gila kee… 💙✨

Main kya kar raha hoon, kyun kar raha hoon, kya soch raha hoon, kya plan hai, kya chahta hoon— mere mann mein kya chal raha hai, mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha. Raat ko der tak jagta hoon. Na padh raha hoon, na kahin baahar ja raha hoon. Main kisse kya bol raha hoon, ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha. Main itna kyun soch raha hoon? Aakhir main chahta kya hoon— ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha. Zyada kisi se baat nahi kar paata. Aisa nahi hai ki baat karna nahi chahta, par log milte hi nahi. Waise bhi, kisko kya bataun? Khud ko hi samajh nahi aa raha. Koi pooch leta hai, “Kaise ho?” “Kaisi chal rahi hai padhai?” aur main jhooth bol deta hoon. Par main jhooth bol hi kyun raha hoon? Main sach keh kyun nahi deta? Na jaane ye sab isi waqt kyun hona tha… Mera mann kahin aur hai, dhyaan kahin aur. Main chahta kuch aur hoon, aur ho kuch aur raha hai. Ab to ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha ki jo kar raha hoon, wo sahi bhi hai ya nahi. Raat ko der tak jaagna, un kaale aasmaanon mein si...

I thought everything was fine 🙂, but it turned out to be just a fleeting dream. Yesterday, I realized this wasn’t the end—it was only the beginning of another side of the problem. And trust me, it feels terrible… I can’t explain much, but I’m hoping for the best. Maybe by the end of this week, things will settle again. Thanks to my siblings, who are still handling everything carefully. The situation is so bad that I can’t even focus on my studies at home. My elder sister, who is preparing for UPSC and BPSC,  has taken charge of things. Meanwhile, I—the one who knows everything and is directly involved—was the first in the family to figure it out and explain it carefully to her. I feel completely drained. There’s no energy left for studies—just exhausting days, one after another. I tried my best, but nothing seems to be working, and now my studies are suffering. 😭😭 For the past week, my mental health has been terrible. I had a fever of 102°F , but I didn’t tell my parents the rea...

Dil ki baat Anjaan ke saath—main aapka swagat hai… Sabse pehle, Thank you to everyone . Honestly, I’m feeling lost and exhausted as exam days are getting closer. I’m becoming more nervous and anxious, and it feels like time is running out. I’m unable to do anything properly. Main roz plans banata hoon, aur roz unhe khud hi kharab kar deta hoon. Ek baat jo maine seekhi hai, wo ye hai ki koi bhi plan perfect nahi hota . Rigid or ideal plans banane se behtar hai ki problems likhi jaayein aur unke realistic solutions pe kaam kiya jaaye. Flexibility aur problem-solving zyada important hoti hai, na ki flawless planning. Mujhe samajh hi nahi aa raha ki is sab ke baare mein baat kisse karoon. Pichhle kuch din mere liye kaafi tough rahe hain, aur jo kuch mere family ke andar hua, use dekh kar abhi tak yakeen nahi hota. Achhi baat ye rahi ki family tensions—jinhe mere parents aur elders tak ko pata nahi tha—kuch siblings ki madad se kaafi had tak solve ho gaye. Par meri main problem padhai hai...

  January 31st – The End of a Chapter I woke up at 7:25 A.M. on January 31st , feeling neutral. It was the last day of the month, and I had mixed emotions—thinking about what I had accomplished, what I had missed, and what I needed to do next. After freshening up, my day started with a cup of tea that I made for myself and my family members. I went to study in the sunlight, where my siblings were already studying because the next day ( February 1st ) was their board exam. I was studying Physics to complete my syllabus. My sister was revising Biology , and my brother was analyzing question patterns and sending some important questions to his friends. I was studying too, but I kept observing them. I knew that their analyzed questions might not help much, but I still encouraged them, saying, “This is good, but revise other chapters as well.” By midday—almost 1:00 P.M. —my sister took my phone, and I went to eat something. That was my free time. After about 1.5 hours , around 2:4...

Disclaimer Yeh blog Hinglish mein likha gaya hai, kyunki mujhe lagta hai ki Hinglish emotions aur feelings ko zyada naturally convey karti hai. Kahaan se shuru karun, samajh nahi aa raha. Kuch din pehle maine ek novel ka chapter padha tha— “Yahi Sach Hai.” Yeh chapter mere dil ke kaafi kareeb hai. Maine ise teen baar padha hai, aur har baar kuch naya sikhne ko mila. Waise, yeh novel mujhe meri badi didi ne diya tha, aur unka favorite chapter bhi yehi hai. Is chapter ki kuch lines mujhe bahut pasand aayi, jaise: “फिर अठारह वर्ष की आयु में किया हुआ प्यार भी कोई प्यार होता है भला! निरा बचपन होता है, महज पागलपन! उसमें आवेश रहता है पर स्थायित्व नहीं, गति रहती है पर गहराई नहीं। जिस वेग से वह आरम्भ होता है, जरा-सा झटका लगने पर उसी वेग से टूट भी जाता है। … और उसके बाद आहों, आँसुओं और सिसकियों का एक दौर, सारी दुनिया की निस्सारता और आत्महत्या करने के अनेकानेक संकल्प, और फिर एक तीखी घृणा। जैसे ही जीवन को दूसरा आधार मिल जाता है, उन सबको भूलने में एक दिन भी नहीं लगता। तब एकाएक एहसास होता है कि...

Disclaimer: This blog is written in Hinglish because I believe that Hinglish conveys feelings better.  Aisa nahi hai ki main dost banana nahi chahta, par main thoda sa darta aur ghabrata hoon. Kabhi-kabhi lagta hai ki jisko maine apna dost maana, kahin woh mujhe dhoka na de de. Isi darr ki wajah se, aaj se lagbhag 8 mahine pehle , maine ek ladki ko dekha tha. Mujhe usse baat karni thi, par ghabrahat aur logon ke darr ki wajah se main peeche hat gaya. Face-to-face baat karne ke bajay, maine usse online chat karna shuru kiya. Mere hisaab se, woh mujhe sabse achhi dost lagti hai. Jab bhi usse baat karta hoon, mann halka ho jaata hai. Kabhi-kabhi mann karta hai ki bas usse gale laga kar thank you bol doon—har us cheez ke liye jo maine usse seekhi hai. ❤️ Woh mujhse chhoti hai, par baatein badi-badi karti hai. Uske saath ek alag hi vibe hai. Mujhe hamesha ek aise dost ki zarurat thi jo samjhe aur guide kare—and woh bilkul aisi hi hai. Kabhi-kabhi maine usse kuch offensive reels...

Every new year gives us a fresh start—a chance to reflect and make changes. But let’s be honest: how many of us actually stick to those promises? We try, we fail, and sometimes we repeat the same mistakes. This time, I want to do better, and it all starts with small steps . This year, I looked back at my past mistakes and successes. While I made many errors, I also learned from them. I realized that even the worst days teach us something, and those lessons quietly help us grow. I don’t have a big circle of friends, but my joint family is my biggest strength. They are supportive, loving, and—yes—a little annoying at times! Living in a village means a simpler life, but it’s a life I’ve slowly learned to appreciate. Interestingly, some of my closest connections are my online friends . There’s a girl I met on Instagram—she’s wise beyond her years and always seems to know the right thing to say. She’s taught me that even the smallest kind words can make a big difference. This year, I feel ...