( ・_ゝ・)

 Dear Diary,

A portion of beeing worse these days... 

It’s been so many days since I last wrote. Not because I forgot, but because life has been throwing challenges at me one after another. I don’t know how this will end — only God knows, and maybe that’s enough for now.

Lately, I’ve been keeping a physical diary, but I feel I didn’t write it well. It was supposed to capture my journey — my life — but even I’m questioning if things were worse than I thought.

The truth is, I’ve been surrounded by problems — family issues, academic pressure, friendships falling apart, even physical struggles. I didn’t know who to share all this with, so, as always, I turned to writing.

One of my best friends — the one I truly believed was different, better than most people these days — proved me wrong. Deep down, I always feared this day might come, and it finally did. She left. She ignored us, our feelings, our emotions. And I still don’t understand why.

She left my brother — the same brother she once said would be her future husband. They were in a relationship, they talked endlessly, and even took risks together. But she walked away from him because her ex came back into her life. This was the same ex she had once sent abusive texts to, the same person she told me had cheated on her at least three times. Yet, she still chose him.

We didn’t leave her — she left us. I can’t talk to her now. My overthinking mind keeps asking too many questions, and I’m just chasing answers I’ll probably never find. All our efforts, our memories… suddenly they feel meaningless. I remember seeing her last message on my brother’s phone, saying she left because of her ex — the very person she once swore she would never take back.

Maybe it was our fault in some way. Still, if she ever truly needs us, I’ll try to be there for her. Even if it takes months, years, or even if she never talks to us again, I’ll still be there.

She had given my brother her Instagram password once. After she deactivated her account, we logged in — well, my brother did — because my bond with her was only as a close friend. I had no choice but to wait. He tried contacting her, but her friends ignored us, and her brother blocked us. So we reactivated her account, sent our messages, pinned the chat, and waited. Two, maybe three days passed. Then we got a reply — a ridiculous story. I could feel it wasn’t even her words, though maybe it was. Either way, she went back to her ex. And deep down, I know… he will hurt her again.