Dev || Mevibeswriter

Main kya kar raha hoon, kyun kar raha hoon, kya soch raha hoon, kya plan hai, kya chahta hoon— mere mann mein kya chal raha hai, mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha. Raat ko der tak jagta hoon. Na padh raha hoon, na kahin baahar ja raha hoon. Main kisse kya bol raha hoon, ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha. Main itna kyun soch raha hoon? Aakhir main chahta kya hoon— ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha. Zyada kisi se baat nahi kar paata. Aisa nahi hai ki baat karna nahi chahta, par log milte hi nahi. Waise bhi, kisko kya bataun? Khud ko hi samajh nahi aa raha. Koi pooch leta hai, “Kaise ho?” “Kaisi chal rahi hai padhai?” aur main jhooth bol deta hoon. Par main jhooth bol hi kyun raha hoon? Main sach keh kyun nahi deta? Na jaane ye sab isi waqt kyun hona tha… Mera mann kahin aur hai, dhyaan kahin aur. Main chahta kuch aur hoon, aur ho kuch aur raha hai. Ab to ye bhi samajh nahi aa raha ki jo kar raha hoon, wo sahi bhi hai ya nahi. Raat ko der tak jaagna, un kaale aasmaanon mein si...

I thought everything was fine 🙂, but it turned out to be just a fleeting dream. Yesterday, I realized this wasn’t the end—it was only the beginning of another side of the problem. And trust me, it feels terrible… I can’t explain much, but I’m hoping for the best. Maybe by the end of this week, things will settle again. Thanks to my siblings, who are still handling everything carefully. The situation is so bad that I can’t even focus on my studies at home. My elder sister, who is preparing for UPSC and BPSC,  has taken charge of things. Meanwhile, I—the one who knows everything and is directly involved—was the first in the family to figure it out and explain it carefully to her. I feel completely drained. There’s no energy left for studies—just exhausting days, one after another. I tried my best, but nothing seems to be working, and now my studies are suffering. 😭😭 For the past week, my mental health has been terrible. I had a fever of 102°F , but I didn’t tell my parents the rea...

Dil ki baat Anjaan ke saath—main aapka swagat hai… Sabse pehle, Thank you to everyone . Honestly, I’m feeling lost and exhausted as exam days are getting closer. I’m becoming more nervous and anxious, and it feels like time is running out. I’m unable to do anything properly. Main roz plans banata hoon, aur roz unhe khud hi kharab kar deta hoon. Ek baat jo maine seekhi hai, wo ye hai ki koi bhi plan perfect nahi hota . Rigid or ideal plans banane se behtar hai ki problems likhi jaayein aur unke realistic solutions pe kaam kiya jaaye. Flexibility aur problem-solving zyada important hoti hai, na ki flawless planning. Mujhe samajh hi nahi aa raha ki is sab ke baare mein baat kisse karoon. Pichhle kuch din mere liye kaafi tough rahe hain, aur jo kuch mere family ke andar hua, use dekh kar abhi tak yakeen nahi hota. Achhi baat ye rahi ki family tensions—jinhe mere parents aur elders tak ko pata nahi tha—kuch siblings ki madad se kaafi had tak solve ho gaye. Par meri main problem padhai hai...

  January 31st – The End of a Chapter I woke up at 7:25 A.M. on January 31st , feeling neutral. It was the last day of the month, and I had mixed emotions—thinking about what I had accomplished, what I had missed, and what I needed to do next. After freshening up, my day started with a cup of tea that I made for myself and my family members. I went to study in the sunlight, where my siblings were already studying because the next day ( February 1st ) was their board exam. I was studying Physics to complete my syllabus. My sister was revising Biology , and my brother was analyzing question patterns and sending some important questions to his friends. I was studying too, but I kept observing them. I knew that their analyzed questions might not help much, but I still encouraged them, saying, “This is good, but revise other chapters as well.” By midday—almost 1:00 P.M. —my sister took my phone, and I went to eat something. That was my free time. After about 1.5 hours , around 2:4...